i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
