You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
