She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize