Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Can you bring me the toilet please
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
How does one acquire holy water?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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