I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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