I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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