I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
