Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
