He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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