Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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