I smell stomach acid.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
