I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He did a backflip because drugs
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