The maid of honor just puked.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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