I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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