dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
