btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
