Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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