My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
