For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
