i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
