My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
