its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
