"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize