I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
