so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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