so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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