We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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