4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
