Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
