you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
