You're completely useless in the revolution.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
