I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
