Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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