He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
