Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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