Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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