Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
