So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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