just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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