Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
