i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Screwed.edu
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
