do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
