he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
