Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
