i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
