i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
