either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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