no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize