she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
