hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
