I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
