i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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