she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
