how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
