the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
