If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
