When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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