my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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