that's an acceptable place to lick
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
