Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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