I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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