I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
