Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
