Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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