I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
