News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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