Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
