You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
