This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
