Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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