I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
