i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize