Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
