smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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