life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
