..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
