is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
