Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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