I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
