who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
