You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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