if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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