Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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