So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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