the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
