so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
