I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
