Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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