Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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