I faked an abortion last night.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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