You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
