white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
