so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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