I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
