he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
