I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I am one with the molecules
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize