i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
