I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
