Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
