wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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