Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
