she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
