I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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